After a month, maybe even years of questioning where to take this thing and if it’s truly what I want to do the inspiration hit me today. And it hit me hard. If I were to quote my recent psychic reading my brow chakra is pretty strong right now which much means I’m following through with my intuition. My intuition says to share right now so I’ll share with you what I’m going through at 6 months postpartum, with the big guy entering his second year of Middle School and a little guy growing more and more each day.
Things have gotten easier. No more mastitis, but boob problems do pop up every once in awhile. Thankfully I’ve figured out how to unclog a boob with essential oils like nobody’s business. I am no longer the worry wart up at 2 am googling gas, reflux, tongue tie, etc. on my phone as I breastfeed. But now the worry has switched from the baby to me.
It’s been 6 months not 6 weeks and I feel like I should be back to normal. Actually I feel like I should be better than normal. I’m eating healthier and taking a ton of vitamins. I pretty much get to live the life I want. Some days we go to the beach. Some days we have breakfast with my best girlfriends. Other days I’m running around still in pajamas all day, hair tied up with a bandana trying to wrangle all the boys(husband included) and forgetting to eat. Still my body keeps telling me to slow down, relax, take it easy. Recently I’ve been feeling weak and dizzy at moments. To be perfectly honest I don’t know what it is from and it drives me crazy. It could be I’m a little anemic (i’ve battled with anemia all my adult life). It could just be that I’m not eating enough. Or it could be something bigger like EBV from the past creeping up. Or my worst fear, that there is mold in our apartment and it’s making me sick. But get this, I’m too scared to test for it.
I tend to get really depressed when I don’t feel good and I don’t know why. Heck when I was pregnant I thought something was wrong with me and I was so upset about it. Because I worked in wellness and dealt with people with serious issues daily my mind immediately jumped to the worst…not to morning sickness which is what it actually was.
So why am I sharing all this? I’m sharing because I feel this pressure. I feel pressure to present this attractive image of motherhood. I want to share my life but often it feels like the same old scenery. It’s not a new playdate, eating at a trendy spot or dressing the babe in the cutest modern duds every day. Sure my life has some truly beautiful and fun moments. But let’s be real. I’m like most everyone else. I wear the same two milk stained swim cover up dresses as often as possible because they are comfy and I can easily pop my boobs out the side for feeding. I rarely wear makeup and my hair is usually wrapped up with my pink bandana (that was once my little secret but is starting to creep into my IG photos). And some day, like today, I put the baby down and want to get to work on all my projects and all of a sudden my body tells me to rest. And instead of creating the picture perfect life I lay there and create a real life.
- This is real life.
So can we all do ourselves a favor? Can we agree to be real? I mean if you can take some beautiful, badass photos of your life and want to share your wins please do! But let’s release the pressure. We have enough to worry about already.
I’m going to start a new hashtag #groundintorealness. This is mostly for me to remember to take a moment to ground when I feel weak and overwhelmed. To slow down and ask for guidance and to follow through on the self-care that I need in that moment. Are you with me?